Understand this, rejection is not always about you or the person you are, it is more about what you are offering and if it is acceptable. So If you hear a NO, it is not because they don’t like you, but because your skill doesn’t fit the profile. So upgrade them. And if you get dumped, relax, it’s not because they hate you as a person, but because your personality doesn’t fit their expectations. So be better.
There is always something new you haven’t seen.
Shit can go from 0 to 100 real quick, and in that moment you may feel this is the end for you. And then there will be this urge for you to pack up everything and quit and say you are am done.
But in that moment when you feel nothing else can make sense and your journey is over, I want you to know that there is something new you haven’t yet seen. A new song, a new movie, a new book, a new recipe. A new love, a new face, a new relationship, a new friend.
I sincerely do believe that even on our worst days, life can spectacularly introduce us to a new discovery. So wait and see
It’s funny how humans think and behave (and when I say funny, I mean, I am really confused with how things are done because, in a normal circumstance, things should be done differently, but hell no, things are never ever normal).
So I must admit this is not the best way for me to write this little piece, but I couldn’t get out of my own head, so here is it.
I have watched so many people, strangers and friends alike, go through the process of helping another person deal with some really intense unresolved issues, and I have observed one particularly interesting way how this process affects both parties which leave me wondering, “What is the best way to help someone deal with issues, and how does this process affect people?
You see, helping someone go through a grieving process can be tasking and confusing. Whether it’s heartbreak or the demise of a loved one or the loss of an opportunity, it is always very hard to know what to do or the right thing to say to ease the pain of the person. Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean all the time, we end up apologizing as a way of showing concern as if we were the architect of the tragedy. Sometimes we try to convince them that we understand what they are feeling so they should listen to our words of comfort. Honestly, it doesn’t work.
In the summer of 2019, I walked into a room with 7 people around for a conversation, and just as we were about to start, I said 3 words, “I am perfect.” Now I know what you are thinking, I am probably a proud and arrogant person, well honestly, it was the same thing they all thought. Registering the confusion on their faces, I asked, “can anyone be perfect?” Now they all gave me beautiful answers and explanations which boiled down to the same conclusion, “no one can be perfect because we are not God. We are humans whose lives have been interwoven by threads of imperfections. The very fabric of our nature has been incompletely designed, that is why we always long to fill the voids. Hence we are made unique by our series of flaws.”
Wow! What a beautiful way to say we are broken! All I could do at this point was to shake my head in pity. Something had gone wrong somewhere.
If you can stop whatever you are doing now and look at yourself in a mirror, I would like to show you something. Or perhaps, if you can look at something that reflects your image back at you, I would like you to see something.
Tell me, what do you see? What can you say about what you see?
Do you see a broken image held together by imperfections and ugly flaws or do you see something else? Do you see an identity you have struggled to accept and live with because there was once a voice that made you doubt it? What do you see?
For so long the world has been ruled by an idea, ‘no one is perfect’, and for so long we have believed this beautiful lie that we are all broken in some way. It baffles me a lot when people say being perfect is impossible. Sometimes I stop to wonder why we think so low of ourselves. Is this an act of humility or an act of fear? Is it a sign of courage appearing weak and vulnerable or just pure stupidity?
Change might be inevitable, but growth is optional. Growth is intentional and must be done intelligently.
As we witness the advancement of time, it is commonly expected that an individual grow alongside with it, but this is what we have come to understand, growth is intentional, not accidental.
Often times we have been taught that situations and challenges makes us who we are or changes us into who we are meant to be, and for too long we have been looking for those life changing or transforming moments that finally gets to unveil us to ourselves, as if we are helpless in understanding the things we are capable of. But here is the problem with this ideology, it unconsciously strips away from us our power to proactively design for ourselves the kind of situation we want to face, the kind of person we want to be, and only allows us to react when we find ourselves in the midst of circumstances. This ideology teaches us that we can only grow by the magnitude of effects we get from a situation, and that we have no business in deciding how an event changes us or shapes us.
But this is so wrong, absolutely so wrong.
The 1% of the successful people on earth don’t live by this limiting ideology, they live by a different rule and that is what I intends to share with the series of posts to follow.
So, very few people still believe in having a new year resolution, although the struggle to follow through with them is excruciatingly painful, and in some cases they never get to achieve all of the goals they set. But majority are done with this ‘nonsense’. Many are no longer convinced in the magic they once believed it had. I mean, what’s the point of having new year resolutions if halfway through the first month or even before half of the first month, all we have resolved, everything comes crashing down, and we find ourselves reverting back to the same old pattern we are so desperate to break or improve on. Most people now believe that making new year resolutions is a nice way to set themselves up for failure because no one actually ever go through with the plan, so instead, they have decided to take life as it comes, waiting for opportunities to explode any which way.
Of course not all of us had it all figured out at 21, hell, most of us haven’t even realized what kind of life we want to really live. But then I remember taking a decision to run a magazine company.
The truth was, whenever I am broke and bored, my racing mind will not let me rest. It keeps probing and probing till suddenly it gets an idea to do a business or create something that would, unfortunately, not provide money instantly but on the long run will be a successful business..
I have seen so many chase after things they fail to get at the end. So many who are left broken by their inability to fully grasp what they want, and most times I wonder if all our lives have been programed to desire things we can’t have.
Most of us, having aimed so high as the clouds, choose to settle so low in depths after we have broken our backs in pursuit of what we have imagined.
Could this be our fate? Could this be our burden? Could this be how we have been designed to live? I don’t believe so, for I have come to realize that our problem is not that we aim so high or so lofty or so unrealistic for the mind to comprehend, but that in us lack the capacity to attract and handle what we want.
In life, you are going to find out that the toughest task you will ever face is finding the courage to live life on your terms. I am not talking about just existing, I am not talking about managing to survive and drifting with the wind. I am talking about the deliberate act of living.
Sometimes you are gonna feel the urge to give up your will to live and forfeit your control to decide. Sometimes you gonna feel like letting go and going with whatever is offered to you, but the bravest of us are those who choose to find strength and courage to, at least, attempt to live life by whatever means we can. It may not be grand and explosive, it may not the fairy tale we dreamed of, but at least when we finally take a bow, we will do so with a smile knowing that we actually did live on our terms.
Here I am, blankly staring into space, wondering if I have reached the end of my search. Here I am, gravely probing the thoughts of what people will say of me when my circle ends, and probably wondering if my existence would be worth the air I expended. Here I am, thinking of life after death.
People say everyone is looking for something, anything, but I have never heard anyone with a cry of euphoria in finding what they truly seek. People say our lives are drawn to something we can’t truly grasp, but if this hold any form truth, then what the hell is wrong with us?
This site is for anyone who loves travelling and the funny things I get up to. But mainly the quintessentially British experiences I have that every British person can relate to, at uni, travelling and day to day.