So the past few weeks has been quite hazy and I could literally feel my head quake just from doing nothing.
I had plans, like so many plans, huge plans, yet for some incomprehensible reasons, I found myself on the verge of not achieving any and I thought to myself, damn, I must be on the verge of becoming insane.
I found myself slipping into depression because I thought within me, some things ought to be better than the way they were, and just no matter how much I tried to cheer myself, I kept coming back to the same thesis, maybe I was jinxed.
Now I know it may seem weird, but trust me, it wasn’t cool.
Usually when I find myself in such gloomy state, I do what I know how to do best, I write, but this time, it felt like I had hit an impasse. I held my pen and paper for hours and days, as I stared into the empty air, begging for inspiration, I found non. I tried talking to a friend, but I realized that the more I tried to force the conversation, the more I felt so disconnected from this physical realm. My mind kept wandering to parts unknown and most times, it would require me to practically hit my hand against my head to gain consciousness. Truthfully, there was nothing to think about, but for some reason, I found my brain overworking itself.
So I sought for a solution, and yes, I did find one. Breathe.
As insignificant as it may seem, that was the only solution that proved to do the trick.
I sat on my bed one early morning, refusing to do anything, I consciously took into account the rate at which I was breathing. It felt like fun at first, then gradually, it began to make a whole lot of sense. I realized at first, to my amusement, that my breathing was quite erratic and unsteady. So I decided to relax, count my breathe, regulate my heartbeats and then, stability returned. With every breathe I took, I felt a cloud of depression been blown away and after doing it for some couple of hours, I felt like the most intelligent being in the world (I always feel this way). I could see clearly, think sharply, create plans, conjure ideas, write a script for a play and all other freaking amazing things I thought I wouldn’t be able to do again. I felt scared at first , but then, I laughed at myself, knowing I was back, it really felt good to be.
Now, I don’t care what road you are on, I don’t care what position you find yourself heck, most times you have tried everything you know you have to, it still seem like you haven’t done anything yet, and sometimes people don’t understand, they still expect you to remain as awesome as you were, hey, just relax and do one thing, Breathe, for in doing so, you give your mind a solid ground to find its feet.
It may seem small, but then, it is the best thing, after all, good things often comes in small packages.
it’s a beautiful world.