To Choose Or Not To Choose.

The wind blew gently and suddenly, my fears crept upon me. The day was done with its duties, the night stood ready to take over, and once again, I wished I had chance to choose to act differently.

I was only young at that time, twelve if I could recall correctly, and much too young to grasp at the basic meaning of what life was all about. Nevertheless, I had this little idea, maybe when it is all over and the sun is finally laid to rest, based on my poor choices, what will become of me will be revealed, and eventually, what ever that will be, must have been meant to be. Now fast forward to thirteen years later and you will find me here, standing at the bank of the river, wondering, did I ever get to choose?

The Sun danced at the horizon as the cold water ran against my bare feet. The cold wind escorted the little thought that sat on the sit of my mind, and I kept wondering, how did I get here?

Now I know I have read so many, God, listened to so many piece on how we get to influence the outcome of our fate (still don’t know why we keep using this word if we get to decide everything), but what I haven’t really understood is the connection between our choices and our fate.

Now, if our fate is what we are meant to be, but at the end of the day, we get to decide what we want to be, isn’t our fate already decided to take form by what we decide? And if so, are we really our own scriptwriters or are we just actors, acting out a role on this grand stage called life?

I really don’t know if this is confusing or if it is just my thoughts spinning haphazardly, but this is what I have come to realize, most of what I planned for in life did not exactly turn out to be even half of what I expected, and just no matter how much effort I think I expended, I end up getting something else, if not altogether disheartening. Maybe, just maybe I have been digging the wrong hole, or maybe there is something, somewhere, directing me to look elsewhere. Now I have decided not to make choice or take any decision, but really, even the very act of indecision is a big decision already taken. This leaves me thinking, we really have no choice to make a choice and this I fear, who knows what may become of me tomorrow.

Now I remain uncertain, to choose or not to choose.

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it’s a beautiful world.

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