When Two Becomes A Curse.

The difference between being alone and being lonely.

“I had to let her go. I just had to do it.

I knew I loved her, but I knew better not to hold unto her any longer than I already have, and whether we were meant for each other or not, that is one thing I would never get know, at least for now. Honestly, we felt we were right by each other and were made complete by our presence, but somewhere within us, buried among the smiles and kisses, we struggled.

We fought an unending secret war that threatened to vanquish all souls and energy just because we were too weak and rightly stupid enough not to surrender to our already designed fate. We were a living nightmare dressed in a daydream. This shouldn’t be toxic, we said to ourselves, and what we shared shouldn’t be rifled with thorns, thistles and dangers, but it felt like the tons of sacrifices we made were thumped up by a formidable cosmostic enemy which stood to oppose our union. And after we had lost so much of what we shouldn’t have, we soon realized, we both must take different paths to happiness.

Watching her leave through the door was the most heartbreaking view I had ever seen, but as very much as I hated it, I just couldn’t find one compelling reason to call out her name.”

“Wait”, I interrupted, “why then did you both start at first”? I asked.

“I am not so sure”, he answered after letting out a deep breathe. “I thought something was missing in my life, and I felt maybe I needed someone to fill out that void, and emptiness. I craved to be made whole so desperately that I felt, she was the missing piece of the puzzle. Believe me, at first, it was magical. So indescribable were those moments that I figured that the most unbelievable experience you will ever have is knowing that you love someone and that person loves you in return. Truly, we felt perfected by our presence”.

“What changed”?

“Nothing.

See, our problem wasn’t that we changed or took the wrong turn or stopped loving each other, no, our problem was that we convinced ourselves to ignore the glaring signpost that placed our weaknesses and shortcomings on display to believe the illusion that as imperfect beings, our imperfections were part of our lives, and we hoped with time, our discrepancies will be overshadowed by our burning passion.

But we were wrong.

We freely surrendered our bodies to each other, but not our minds, and while we were quick to cuddle our naked bodies, there existed a broken bridge between our lonely souls. We had each other, yet we yearned to be found, and as clear as the daylight, we knew darkness was very much around the corner.

Have you ever been with someone and still have that feeling of loneliness? Or have you ever loved someone, but still feel like you are lost? It was like we stood at the shore of an endless ocean, yet, we made use of our spittle to wash our hands, and thinking about it, I think our biggest problem was that we never really loved ourselves for loving each other, still we expected our burdens to be shared among ourselves, yet too afraid to let each other carry it.

We were perfect when we needed to be, but after that, we had a mind of our own, secretly fulfilling our own personal agenda, and making preparations for a future without each other in it.

And when we snapped, we soon realized, the moth had eaten too deep, and the rust had become a poison in our systems. We lost so much of what we shouldn’t have, strengths, time, resources, to a war we were ill prepared for, and when we arose from our slumber, then, we knew, our love was like a fire cracker sitting on a keg of gun powder”.

As I watched the young man stare out of the window, wandering in his thoughts, I felt a tear escape the cages of my eyes, streaming down my cheek, only one thing could come to mind, sometimes, being alone is a blessing.

Let’s take a moment to think and ask, why do we all suddenly think that for us to be truly complete and perfect, we must lay in the arms of another? Is it that we are scared of dying alone or never really been good enough for someone, so we need the company of another to prove our worth?

Most times, we see our state of being alone as a disease that must be cured, that we always ignore that what truly matters is about us finding our own happiness. We have dumped sanity for the notion that one can not be alone and happy, but failed to realize that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.

Believe it or not, it is very possible to be with someone and still feel lonely and void of connection, and it is very possible to be alone and not feel lonely. It all depends on how ready you are.

There are many people out there who are looking for a way to escape their loneliness, and will hastily dump their problems on the shoulders of whosoever comes their way, believing that is the answer to their nagging questions, but will along the line realize that it takes more than just passion to build a future.

Truthfully, not everyone who starts a relationship do so because they want to build a future. Many have the notion of “let’s see where this leads”, so it is no surprise that a little wind can bring down the house.

You often wonder why it is so hard for people who profess to love each other find it quite burdensome to freely share their feelings, fears and thoughts with each other, the simple truth is that they haven’t really appreciated or loved themselves for loving each other. Though they may have each other physically, but within them, they still retain the idea that they are two separate entities with separate goals, and when this goes on for a long time without been addressed, the feeling of living in a cage begins to set in.

And now I begin to wonder and ask, why cage yourself within the walls of a curse when you can live free? Why put yourself in bondage when you have so many galaxies to explore? Mind you, being alone is not a sin, but being lonely is a curse, and most times, this curse is represented by situations and people we surrender to.

Believe me, you can be happy on your own.

Don’t get me wrong, to love and to be loved is a bliss. It is like soaring through the seven heavens in a moment, but our biggest mistake is to assume that our happiness lies in the hands of another. Believe it or not, you are your own fountain of happiness, and if you must step into someone else life, you must be ready to share that fountain with that person, and also to drink of the person’s own.

Missing

Mystical

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9 thoughts on “When Two Becomes A Curse.

  1. Pingback: Author Interview – Aminah Iman – The Vamperial Series, The 30 Pieces of Silver Series, Were: Chronicles of Sari X and Black Magick – The 3 Trilogy | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish)

  2. Ever since I read your last post, I have been looking forward to the next one, and truthfully, this is refreshing. The way you capture each experience is beautiful. Love this post because it is so true. Great piece.

    Liked by 2 people

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